Forever Eighteen

Out of the closet

2011-02-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

Boy it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Over a year. I was trying to find out how to search blogs to no avail. But I did look back at the pictures I posted here and realize what a bad mom I've been not to keep up with this. I have been so busy with my business that I have neglected taking pictures of and writing about my own kids except for the occasional facebook update. The truth is, I've had a lot on my plate, both with the business and with the kids...mostly Jonathan. He started school last August and with that new beginning has come a lot of pain and heartache. Not because I feel like I've lost my baby, but because some things have been brought to light. In the first few weeks of school Jonathan was having difficulty paying attention in class. In the teacher's words, he was "in his own little world", "played around the other kids instead of with him", had "trouble conveying his emotions." Offended and scared by these words, we decided to have Jonathan tested psychologically. We were having trouble with him at home not following directions, talking back and saying hateful things, punishing him was so difficult, he had difficulty sleeping since he was two, and many other oddities. After three days of testing with a child psychologist we were told that Jonathan is on the autism spectrum. He has a very mild form of autism, and honestly he must just seem like a spoiled bratty kid to most onlookers. He continues to struggle in school with social situations mostly. After the diagnosis we were sent on our merry way with no instructions. Apparently our school has one of the best autism specialists in the state. We have yet to meet her, so I dont know what good that does us! He is constantly getting "sad faces" at school, which I have almost become numb to. Today was the worst...probably why I have decided to share about it. I dont think anyone really follows my blog (who would, it hasnt been touched in over a year!), except maybe some people who I dont mind sharing this with. We havent really decided to come out of the closet with it yet because we haven't completely accepted. I dont want Jonathan to be stuck with a stigma that may prove to be caused by a false alarm. But I am getting so tired of the looks that I get, and the thoughts I know friends and strangers are thinking. I have beat myself up for so long, privately, because I cant control Jonathan. He is not well-behaved and many times difficult to be around. Though he has really good days that encourage me, many days are laced with bad moments that discourage me. Like today.

My New second favorite soup

2010-01-18T17:16:00.001-08:00

I found this in a Rachel Ray mag and changed it up just a little bit:

Creamy Chicken and Rice Soup

-2 tablespoons EVOO
-1 lb skinless boneless chicken breasts
-salt and pepper
-3 Carrots, sliced crosswise
-1/2 cup long-grain rice, rinsed (uncooked as recipe is written,
but use already cooked rice at the end if you have some)
-One 16 ounce package frozen black-eyed peas
-One 32 ounce container chicken broth
-One 9 ounce package frozen creamed spinach
(I cant find this, so I just use regular frozen spinach and remove the
"Creamy" from the title)
-French Baguette for serving

1. Season chicken with salt and pepper and bake it or fry it up in the pan. Transfer to a plate. Put carrots, rice (if uncooked), rice and beans in a large put and cook for about a minute. Add chicken broth and 2 cups water. Bring to a simmer over high heat then lower the heat and simmer until the rice and beans are tender (about 20 minutes)
2. Meanwhile, shred or cube the chicken. Add to the soup along with the spinach (add rice here if already cooked) and cook for 5 minutes; season with salt and pepper. Serve with the baguette.

Of course, I tear the bread into the soup and it tastes awesome!

A short rest...

2010-01-16T15:53:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since my last post...I've had a little break from Sweet Portrayal since Christmas since its been so cold out! But I've got several maternity and newborn pics lined up as I finish up my time here in St. Louis and I am so excited. I want to get as many of these in as I can before I move to Arkansas since my goal is to specialize in Maternity, Newborns, and Babies to 1 year - I really want to hit the ground running there and what better way to start off than with a jammin' portfolio! I look back on the first newborn pics that I did and cant really understand what kept me going at that point. I mean, the pics were okay, but I have really come a long way - if I do say so myself. I always did seem to get the "most improved" awards in school though. I was happy with that until I found out what that meant - there was no where to go from where I was but up! LOL!
All of that to say...if you know anyone out there with a new baby on the way please refer them my way!!! Be sure to tell them to let me know who referred them and there will be rewards!!!
So in my respite I have still been taking pics - even more than usual actually. I started doing Project 365 on New years - and I love it! If you are into photography at all I suggest you start this - it is so beneficial whether you are an experienced professional photographer or just got your first point and shoot yesterday! It has helped me expand me knowledge and broaden my ideas. You can see my pic of the day each day on my flickr site (link to the right). I will post a few of my faves which include pics of my family:

Home

2009-12-29T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'm home from Arkansas/Oklahoma! And home today from work because I'm sick :(
We cancelled cable and laying on the couch watching TV would be my ideal way to pass the time. So instead I decided to catch up on my blog (as though anyone has been waiting on pins and needles to read it).
So I'm sure you have seen by my facebook status updates that Chuck and I are in the market for a house in Rogers AR. We found one we liked over our Christmas vacation and put on offer on it. I'll keep you posted on that...
If you didnt get a Christmas card from us this year let me know your address and I will send you one next year. But for those of you who didnt get one, here it is:

We had a lot of fun making that one!

Otherwise not a whole lot going on here. We are trying to figure out when I will be stopping work, but the contingent plans are for me to work through either February or March, and we will move around April 15th. But everything is still up in the air.
I will hopefully be posting some more pics of the kids from the holidays soon, so stay tuned...tuned?

Gracie's birthday party

2009-12-11T20:44:00.000-08:00

So if you read my last post you know that I was out of town for my daughter's birthday. She turned two on November 6th. She didnt go without a party on her birthday though. She got to spend it with Granny and Papa in Oklahoma. I still felt awful when I got back - you cant skip your own child's birthday, even if they wont remember it. So the next Saturday we threw our own party for Gracie. We went to Texas Roadhouse (my favorite restaurant and conveniently the kids' favorite too!) She got to sit on the saddle while everyone gave her a Texas Roadhouse "yeehaw!" She loved it! She has plenty of experience with that sort of thing since she has been riding the rocking horse her Papa made since she was 9 months old (no joke she would climb up on it herself and hold on and rock!!) After dinner we came home and I pulled out the birthday cake I made for her - my family's birthday cakes always have to be homemade (my definition of homemade right now is from a box - I mixed it and put it in the oven). We all put on our party hats...Gracie insisted "pody hat pody hat" as she chased our heads with them. We sang happy birthday and she blew out the candles...and no, she did not touch them this time! Then she got to play with her birthday present - a new kitchen! Now she and Jonathan can make the cakes!

Over so soon?

2009-11-16T17:21:00.000-08:00

My trip to Florida. Being the bad parent that I am (I dont try to pretend that I'm not anymore) I took off with my hubby to a Podiatry Conference (yay...) in sunny Florida (YAY!) and left the kids with my folks (YAY again!!!) over my daughter's second birthday..(oh.).
Let me just say...I am sooo glad I did. We had so much fun. The hospital was paying for most of it, so we went all out on some things. And I dont feel guilty at all. Chuck is chief resident this year which means that he gets to put up with a lot of crap, spend all evening making phone calls, and pay extra for his phone bills - and he gets paid no more than the other 3rd year resident. So, he (we) deserves it!
We stayed at the Sanibel Island Resort and Spa. I took advantage of the spa the second day I was there and got a wonderful massage and a haircut (just a trim really, nothing drastic) and I got to spend time in the sauna and steam room. Ahh...I can still smell the cedar. Unfortunately Chuck had to spend his day in a lecture. While Chuck was at his lectures though, it was bliss for me...relaxing by the pool with my drink of choice...a Sanibel Sunburn (fruity rum drink) reading Nicholas Sparks' "The Lucky One." Lucky me. When Chuck was done all he wanted to do was find a way to drive the rental car - a convertible Volvo. We spent one afternoon on Sanibel Island at a bird refuge (who's idea was that?) and another day kayaking in the gulf through a little swamp. Yay. And we watched the sun set at the beach every night. And the dinners...they were great - steaks, sushi, fish - yum! So much fun.
On Saturday we went to Fort Myers beach and saw a sand sculpting contest. Among the entries was a man from St. Louis. I dont know who won, but they were all amazing. On Sunday we returned to the Island to buy some souvenirs for the kids before making it back for our flight.
It was heavenly. I did miss my kids, but it was sooo nice to get away. I only felt guilty about twice a day, but they were short-lived bouts. Cant wait to do it again!
See more pics on flickr and facebook.
And yes, there will be a post shortly about Gracie's b-day - I'm not all bad.

Bye Bye Hump Day

2009-09-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

My sweet hubby surprised me at work yesterday (Wednesday) with these beauties in celebration of my last Wednesday at work. Next week is my first week back to part-time. YAY! I'm wiped out! :)

I Love You!

2009-09-06T07:17:00.001-07:00

I remember the first time Chuck said it to me. Actually he didnt say it. We were sitting in my dorm room with about four other friends. I was seated on my roommate's bed and he was sitting on the floor below me with a notepad doing homework or studying. We were enjoying the company of our friends - laughing, joking, having fun...ya know - studying. He was jotting down notes and every now and then would poke me with his pencil so I would look down at his notebook to see something funny that he had written. One time, however, instead of a funny remark, he had written the words, "I love you Kim." It was such a sweet feeling. When it was time for him to leave we went outside and said the words to each other. I'll never forget it.
And just as clearly, I remember the first time Jonathan told me those words. It was when we had first moved into the townhouse - he was 2. I had tucked him in and went to the door to leave. I turned around, as I did every night and said, "I love you Jonathan." I always waited for a response, but up until then had never gotten one, just a nod and smile. But that night, he said "I wuv you." It made me melt.

Again, I had the joy of hearing these words spoken to me for the first time by someone sooo special to me. She brings so much joy to my life! People tell me she is just like me...I hope they're right, and I hope they're not. As I'm sure all moms of daughters do, I dream that we will always be best friends no matter what. She is so independent, yet loving and caring. She loves to play with her dolls and kiss her figurines. I start to sing to her and she shakes her head and gives me that serious look as she says in her less than 2 year old dialect, "stop." She climbs on the big kid toys at the park - better than the big kids do. She pulls jewelry out of my armoire and piles it on herself. Says "I do it" - and does it! She still likes her milk warm.
Every now and then, and even more so lately, Chuck has been able to take the kids to daycare on his way to work. We usually leave for work right about the same time. This was one of those mornings - and I was on my way out the door first. I turned over my shoulder and said to the kids, "Bye, I love you" and just as I was turning to leave, little Gracie said as clear as day "I love you Mommy!"
These simple little words...

Jon the writer

2009-08-30T20:56:00.001-07:00

My boy
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

Jonathan is now a writer! He wrote j's - lots of them! And o's and T's too. He wrote the word JOT . It's a start! Jonathan is a long name to spell. If he can learn to write the N I suppose I would be fine with calling him Jon for awhile.

Couples

2009-08-12T06:03:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

I've been doing couple pics for my friends lately trying to prepare for a wedding coming up. I need to get used to posing couples, making them act natural and laugh. This picture is of a friend at work and her boyfriend. I just love her - she is the sweetest - and makes my day brighter since I sit by her at work. There were lots of great pictures from this session in downtown St Charles, but this has to be my favorite. I think it shows the essence of their relationship. I can't wait to do more of these - they are so much fun. If anyone out there wants or knows someone who wants me to do couple pictures *gratis* for my portfolio (will be under engagements) let me know!
FYI I am thinking about creating a second blog for Sweet Portrayal so that I dont keep leaving out my kids in my posts (the few there are). That's just one more thing to keep up with though - a second blog. BTW if you havent already please become a fan of Sweet Portrayal on Facebook!

Finally got a babysitter!

2009-07-26T08:47:00.001-07:00

Finally got a babysitter!
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

Last night I convinced Chuck to spend the first part of our date taking pictures of us since we really don't have any since our wedding eight years ago! We had so much fun! I set up the tripod and we used the remote. I'd like to do it again sometime but it may be another eight years before I can convince Chuck :(
After that we went to Spiro's, a Greek restaurant of course, nearby. We had an appetizer and some Baklava - my favorite! Then we went and saw The Hangover. It was hilarious. A little raunchy, but hilarious.
See more pics at flickr or facebook.

A Zoo Day

2009-07-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Arts and Crafts.

2009-06-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

Three of 'em!
Last Thursday and Friday I had an excuse to stay home with the kiddos! My babysitter was on vacation. She will be next week too, but I couldnt get it off (hmmf!) but a friend at work has a daughter home from college that will be watching them at my house - yay!
So, while we were home I got to try out a craft that I found in a magazine. Here are some pics, you can figure it out.
Why did I need a magazine article to discover this cute little project? I think I had more fun with it than Jonathan did though. I did most of it, though I let him think he did. I have always been bad at letting children do their own projects. I think the end result should look like it does in the magazine. Bad Mama! Actually I think this project may have been a little old for him. Probably best for a 6 or 7 year old...or 28 year old.
The second project, however, he did complete. And I am sooo proud of him. I asked him to draw a picture of him and Daddy for Father's day. He really delivered. It is amazing how it seems like just last week he would draw a line or a circle and say that was a person (no eyes, nose, arms, legs, nothing). As you can see here, though, Daddy has eyes, nose, mouth, and even ears. Big deal to me. In my kindergarten entrance exam I forgot to add ears to the man I was told to draw. I got docked for it. Anyway, not only is there a whole face, but he made sure Daddy had clothes - complete with buttons! And he made a TALL Jonathan. Not quite sure why his head is in two parts - he does have a double crown in real life.

And the last project (so far) for the weekend...
A photo prop. I went yard-sailing this morning and found two old wooden chairs. One for $2 and one for $3. I had a hard time choosing a color for the $2 one but finally decided on Ocean Blue. Jonathan loved it and offered to "model" for me to test it out. He was so excited he didnt even let me move it off the cardboard before he jumped up and started posing. Isn't his expression so cute in this?

I have two photo sessions next weekend: One with a single mom with two small children (that's what I got the chair for), and the other is a mainly indoor maternity session. I got a new strobe for lighting and am having a hard time finding the time to get the lighting nailed for the session. Hopefully I'll get it down before my subject gets here on Saturday! Watch for flickr posts next weekend!

My little Razorbacks at play

2009-06-18T09:12:00.001-07:00

My little Razorbacks at play
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

Chuck went to Arkansas last weekend to take his Arkansas Boards exam and meet with some podiatrists wanting to hire in Little Rock (yeck!) and another in Fayetteville that wants to sell his practice in Siloam Springs (meh!). He brought back razorback snouts for the kids and they just loved them and I loved getting some fun pics of them. Why cant they sit together and be so cute without a snout on!!?

finally!

2009-06-14T18:18:00.001-07:00

melt-a-mommy
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

i got her to look up! and boy am i glad i did. look at those eyes!

I'm a gardener!

2009-06-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

Well, not really. We don't own our house, so I cant exactly uproot the bushes to plant a garden (not that I would have the time), but I did buy a few plants to pot. I got two cherry-type tomato plants and Chuck bought me two chili pepper plants. I potted them and have been carefully watering them daily and guarding them from the kids. They have really grown fast and...lo and behold...I counted TEN little green tomatoes on the tomato plants today and saw two tiny peppers on the pepper plants! I am soooo excited. Given, after buying the plants, the soil and the watering can (the pots were already here at the house) they have become a little economically unwise. What can I say - they better be good tomatoes! Hopefully the bunnies that hop around the yard most days dont end up eating them out from under me!! We'll be able to enjoy a nice salad or two, or three.

Oh, and I included a picture of the place we recently moved to. Much better than the old place. My advice...if you have kids...dont do a townhouse.

And this last way-too-close up picture is of me with my "new" haircut. I hated it the first day, was okay with it the following week, and since then it has grown into a little unmanageable mess. But...it could be worse!

Valedictorian

2009-06-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

Two weekends ago now, I got to go see my oldest niece, Emily, graduate from high school. As she was a valedictorian of her class, she got to give a speech. Of the five speeches given by the valedictorians hers was by far the best! I was sure that my sister had helped her, but no, the graduation was the first time she'd even heard it! Graciously, my beautiful, smart, funny niece gave me the transcript to post on my blog:

On the box of the board game The Game of Life, it reads, "Where will your choices take you? You made it through high school, now what's next?" According to the instructions the object of the game is to "travel the path of LIFE making decisions, building a family, earning money (and paying some too), buying homes, and collecting LIFE TILES."
The first decision is made right at the beginning of the game: College or Career? By now most of us have already made that decision and found that the choices are many.
Once we decide what path to take, we spin the wheel and move our number of spaces. Some of us get high numbers like 8, 9, or 10, and move quickly. Some of us get the lower numbers such as 3, 2, or the sometimes dreaded 1. But we take what we get, move the spaces, and read what the space says, hoping that it is good news. Sometimes it is! We may collect money for something like writing a Best Seller! But sometimes we land on a "bad" square and have to pay fees for a surgery.
Those little yellow squares can bring joy with a "NEW BABY" or the can bring grief with the two words: "LOSE JOB." Sometimes we land on them and sometimes we don't.
During our jounrey, we often come to stop signs, and even though we may still have moves left these stop signs represent times in our life that we will have to make important decisions, and we must stop. We may be choosing our career, getting married, or buying a home, al the while collecting LIFE TILES.
LIFE TILES are what I consider the most important part of the game. The game instructions tell us that LIFE TILES are "all about family activities, community service, and good deeds." The way I like to describe them is by calling them the "memorable moments." We have already collected some from high school, and most of us may be collecting one right now. Just like in the game, we never know the true value of these moments until we look back on them years later.
So, here we are, at the beginning of the game. We are about to start a great journey. On these crazy, winding roads I wish you, the Class of 2009, the best of luck. I pray that God is with you, on the good spaces and the not so good spaces, and that He guides your choices at every stop sign you come to. Remember that the most valuable part of this wonderful Game of Life is not the speed that we move but the memories we make at every turn.

Ah...that's my Emmy!
We were all soooo proud of her!

Congratulations Emily!!

A hard decision

2009-05-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

It really is for the best. I almost cry writing this though. However, I do feel like part of the reason I cry is because I can imagine that just about everyone I know will think that it was the wrong decision and that I am a bad mother. But then I tell myself that I have to stop worrying so much about what other people think.
Here it is:
I'm going back to full-time.
Chuck and I have been considering it for a while now but I never could make the decision to do it. I wanted to at least wait until summer was over. Unfortunately that wasnt up to me. Last Friday my boss came up to me and told me to let her know within the next 5 minutes whether I wanted full time. Literally. You see, the budget gets passed by Congress and then the money is carefully dispersed and trickled all the way down the pipelines to our office. The decisions are trickled down too. So in some place far far away they decide to offer full-time to part-time employees in certain districts. Generally, all those employees want full-time. But they have to take it right then and there or it gets passed on to another district, or piled up to create a whole new position. They only offer the choice every so often, when they have money. So I had to take it now or never.
And here's why I chose to take it:
Reason #1: I love having my Wednesday's with the kids. I can relax a little bit too. The problem is, one day in the middle of the week doesn't do much for routine. Sometimes we go to the park, sometimes we go play with friends, sometimes Daddy is home too, sometimes we watch too much TV, sometimes we make a craft (okay, not that often because I'm just too busy to plan it), sometimes we go grocery shopping, sometimes we do nothing while Mommy cleans all day. I haven't been able to establish anything concrete (besides going to the donut shop - bad!) because Wednesdays have become that catch-all day. It's like the dining room table - nothing belongs in that space, so anything and everything ends up there - and it's a mess.
Reason #2: I know it's taboo, but I have to address it. I make good money, and one day a week really adds up. If I wasn't making good money, then it would be a no-brainer - heck, I'd quit and start that photography business. I would just love to get laid off - I know that is really insensitive to say because so many people are getting laid off and it just ruins them, so I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but I am just being honest. I would love to be laid off and then I would have no excuse and no regrets. I could start my own photography business because I would HAVE to - and I would find out just how lucrative the business can be while setting my own hours and having fun. Unfortunately (for my dreams), I have to take the safe road and feel blessed to have a good job that pays the bills and provides health insurance. I also have to plan for our future when Chuck finishes his residency and we need seed money to start his business and put a down-payment on a house and start paying off his loans.
Reason #3: Even though I am going to be full-time I will still be able to spend time with the kids now. We are going to be closer to the kids daycare after we move this week which means that Chuck can actually take the kids to daycare or pick them up most days. That means I can go to work earlier and work eight and a half or nine hours a day and build up "credit hours" that I can use as vacation. I will also be building up more regular vacation pay when I am full time. In all honesty, I could easily take 2 or 3 days off a month (as opposed to the four I get working part-time)to spend with the kids.
Reason #4: Even though I am just working four days a week right now I am still given the same workload as before, except that I am not interviewing on that fifth day. Keeping up with that workload has been very stressful. I also had to mentor a trainee (which has since been changed because we lost another worker) and I was not able to get to my work. I have actually been pretty good at not taking this home with me, but when I am at work I am not happy because of the build-up of work. I don't expect this to be solved by going full-time because everyone has been overwhelmed with all of the work. With my extra day a week though, that will help our office in some ways which makes work for me as well as my coworkers more bearable.
Now, all this said, I will also say that even though it does make sense it still tears me up. And very honestly, I will say that I do fear being judged by others as being greedy or not caring about my kids enough to stay home with them - I know some people have those thoughts because I read it on their blogs, or comments on their blogs. It tears me up to think that I am doing the wrong thing by my kids and it only makes things worse when I think of other moms "sacrificing" to stay home with their kids. Believe me, it is just as much of a sacrifice for me not to stay home.
Here are what my kids get by me not staying home:
1. Routine, as I mentioned earlier
2. Social interaction - this is really important to me. I was raised in the country and my mom stayed home with me, which was great. But one thing I did lack was that social interaction - maybe why I'm not the best at it these days!
3. My children have no problems leaving me. Most of the time. But that doesnt mean they aren't super happy to see me when I come back - and they always know I'll be back.
4. They've built up quite an immune system.
5. They can see a doctor whenever they need to. I can feed them, and they have a nice place to live - very important as we have lived in some not-so-nice places (the suspected drug-dealing-3x-drive-by-shooting house in Zion IL to be exact).
6. We don't get tired of each other. Even just one day a week - those Wednesdays that I had - I would honestly be fed up with Jonathan by the end of the day. He generally would fight taking a nap and then he would be cranky the rest of the day. Again, the lack of routine made it hard to enforce a naptime. When you work full-time you cherish each moment you have with your kids - no matter how naughty they are.
I could go on, really, but I wont. All this said, I do want to say as well that if I had my choice I would be a stay-at-home mom. I think - I have never been one, so I couldn't guarantee it. But, the harsh reality is I HAVE to work - bottom line. I have been through it so many ways - what could we cut out, how could we save, this that and the other. I have to work. And while I have to work, I might as well make the best of it.

Woe is me.

2009-05-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

I should be posting pictures from a photo session yesterday with a 3 month old and 5 year old, but that will not be happening. I went to the basement Friday night to "rehearse" for my session and practice with my new lighting. To make a long story short I never got to rehearse because the camera would not work - it wouldnt accept the memory card. Three memory cards later it is still not working. Needless to say I was unable to do the session. The really said news is it may cost up to $250 to get it fixed. The other sad news is I was actually wanting to get a new camera sometime soon but I haven't saved up enough yet. I'm hoping to be able to get the new one in about 6 weeks...which is the same amount of time it may take to get my current camera fixed. So...this possibly puts me out of commission for six weeks. :( Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Couldn't help myself.

2009-04-22T18:23:00.001-07:00

That's why he's been acting so strange lately
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

That's why he's been acting so strange lately!

Easter dress

2009-04-21T08:23:00.001-07:00

Easter dress
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

This little girl refused to go to sleep last night. I'm tired...she's probably napping peacefully right now.

You knew this was coming...

2009-04-14T18:09:00.001-07:00

Bright
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

My new nephew Aidan.

Easter pics

2009-04-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

These are some pics from Easter at my sister's house. My niece Emily, who just enrolled in college by the way, was so sweet to help the kids dye Easter eggs. Then they had an Easter egg hunt. Gracie did so well in her first hunt! Jonathan is finally getting the hang of it too. The little girl in the pics with Jonathan is my step-nephew's daughter. She and Jonathan got along so well! They aren't technically related, so I dont think it would be wrong to say that maybe when they are older...no, it still feels weird. Needless to say, a good time was had by all!

Brand-spankin new nephew

2009-04-10T22:01:00.000-07:00

This is Aidan George - my nephew who was born April 9th at 9:24 PM - less than a day old in this picture. He weighed 7 lbs 1 oz and measured 21 inches - long for our family. And oh my - he is a sweetie!!! I got to hold him for quite awhile this afternoon until my brother finally asked "so are you driving back?" (just joking bro, haha) I am already so in love with this sweet baby! I did not, however, catch any baby bugs...my two kids are effective immunizations right now!

Another good one from my barn visit...

2009-03-21T16:27:00.001-07:00

Boy in a barn 2
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

I'm really liking this one. Hopefully next Wednesday a friend and I are going to go back to the barn and she is going to model for me! Yay!

A friend, a barn, and a flower.

2009-03-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Gracie was up late last night. She was constipated! She finally fell asleep and woke up this morning with the cause of her discontent in her diaper. So, I didnt get up early this morning. I did get to the park in time though to meet my good friend Mrs. B (she's on my blog list) and her two sweet children who are about Jonathan and Gracie's age. We all enjoyed today's beautiful weather as Mrs. B and I talked and the children played. Gracie showed her true personality today as she was daring as ever to do all of the big kid stuff - to the extent of bloodying her nose. She didnt care too much - cried for about 3 minutes, after which I, and two other moms, chased her around trying to get the bleeding to stop. She took quite a few falls but hardly ever cried. She is so tough and determined. I just love her!! I love Mrs. B too. We had a good talk, though I probably talked too much!
When we were done at the park I decided to go by this old barn that I pass everyday on my way to work and think about the photographic possibilities. I dont know who owns it, but I couldnt find a no trespassing sign, so I trespassed. Gracie had already fallen asleep, so I got Jonathan out of the car and we went exploring. He was having a hard time staying close, so I didnt get all the pics I wanted, but I was able to scope the place out pretty well.

When we got back home I was reminded of the Easter lily that Chuck and Gracie picked yesterday - the same one that I had photographed earlier this morning as the kids were eating their cereal. Gracie was abnormally willing to tolerate the camera and I got a few good pics of her (I promise, she got in that basket herself...), but the flower proved to be a better model. You see it now at the top of my blog!

Though I was distracted by the flower, I was still able to get the laundry folded!

Plato schmato!

2009-03-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

I went shopping last week for some new summer clothes for the kids at the best store ever - Once Upon a Child. I got so many nice used clothes for them - mostly name brand - and they are set. All for $91 - two kids, lots of clothes. I heard about another place for adults called Plato's Closet - an offshoot of Once Upon a Child - so I went to check it out today. I was disappointed to find that it really was a store that just started where Once Upon a Child left off - age 14! Expecting to find used office attire, instead I found Abercrombie, Old Navy, Wet Seal, Hollister, etc. Surely, I thought, the business casual is just in the back. Those are nice brands, yes - for my college self. Let's face it, I'm pushing 30!! As I pushed past hoards of teenagers (this is spring break week) I finally realized that I was in the wrong place :( Sure, there may be a gem or two in there, but much to my chagrin no New York and Company that's for sure! TJ Max, yardsales, Walmart, Target - you havent lost me yet. Yes, you too New York and Company (I have to splurge every now and then)!

Welcome spring!

2009-03-07T21:28:00.001-08:00

Cannibal!
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

This is from my session today with a six month baby girl. I did her family's Christmas 2008 pictures and was happy to spend time with them again. She is a doll! Just as her mom had warned, she puts everything in her mouth...too cute! I got to use all of the girly props that I have been dying to try out. Have a look at flickr for some of the other things we came up with.

Soccer man

2009-03-06T14:05:00.001-08:00

Soccer man
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

This might be my favorite from Wednesday's session...not sure. Daddy is a soccer player/fan - he's Argentine, so I think its a requirement.

My bliss

2009-03-04T13:34:00.001-08:00

I calibrated my monitor and look what happened!
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

So this is my fave from Sunday's newborn shoot. I get to do it again tomorrow! (with a different adorable little baby)

A real baby - finally!

2009-03-01T18:21:00.001-08:00

A real baby - finally!
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

The much awaited session went well. See some of the pics on flickr. More will be trickling in over the next few days as life allows me time to edit!

Baby in a pot.

2009-02-28T13:14:00.001-08:00

Baby in a pot.
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

I really really want to do this with a baby instead of a stuffed rabbit. Chuck says it's dangerous, cruel and unusual. Maybe unusual...but it's cute, not cruel. Can I get some back-up? Or is Chuck right?

A bit about Gracie

2009-02-22T19:28:00.000-08:00

So Gracie and I are already clashing...mother and daughter. She is just so independent, opinionated, rebellious! But she loves her daddy...doesn't want to listen to Mommy. Bad girl! And then she is sweet. Bad girl! And this screeching thing she does when she wants something drives me crazy. She has started getting in trouble for it. And we will be out somewhere and someone tries to talk to her, she gives the meanest look back at them and pulls her arms away! It's kind of embarrassing...
She was so funny today though. We went to church and she carried her little purse there. After church was over her daddy set her down to put her coat on. When he was done she started walking around with her purse waving one hand and shaking people's hands with the other. It was just the cutest thing ever. Made me cry because it was so cute and funny! I hate it when I do that! I am such a sappy momma - when I'm not feuding with my child, that is.

My second maternity practice session

2009-02-16T19:33:00.000-08:00

So I had my second maternity session Saturday. It was a lot of fun. I used mostly window light this time. Maybe I shouldn't have because my window doesn't get a whole lot of light since it is in the basement and there is a balcony right over it and a fence around. The couple just looked so nice in the light and I expected my camera to do things that it is not quite equipped for...Okay, I cant blame it all on the camera, I know I have a lot to learn. Nevertheless, they turned out well. The subject was a friend from work with his 6-month pregnant wife. She looks like Jennifer Lopez to me. I did find that 6 months is a little early for the pics though. I know that at 5 months I feared that people thought I was just fat instead of pregnant. She did look pregnant in most of the shots, but in some she didn't look pregnant at all. The thing with these pics is that if the person doesn't look pregnant then they might just look like naughty pictures - which isn't what I'm going for in case anyone is wondering. Here are some of my favorites...there are more on flickr and even more that turned out really well but I just wont post because there are just too many pervs out there on flickr!

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-14T09:59:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentines Day!
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

Daddy got Gracie flowers today. She thought they were really pretty. Pretty enough to eat. She tasted them but we kept her from eating them. She carried them around for awhile, hugged against her chest. After a while she threw them on the kitchen floor and stomped on them. Now they are in a vase with the roses that Chuck got for me. He's a sweetheart!

My four year old

2009-02-07T13:47:00.001-08:00

mmm...strawberries!
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

Jonathan turned four Wednesday. I LOVE this boy!!!

Maternity pics!

2009-01-26T14:19:00.000-08:00

I was so nervous about doing these pics because I wanted them to turn out perfect! And, given my meager equipment I think we got pretty close to it. Of course, my subjects were GORGEOUS, so that definitely helped. Check out the photos as I edit them at www.flickr.com/photos/reallynice

BTW, I'm ready to do more!

My new camera lens

2009-01-22T04:00:00.000-08:00

Chuck got me a new lens for my camera = a 50mm 1.4 f/stop
I am having a lot of fun with it so far and got some pics of Jonathan - still practicing with it...

And a cute one of my hubby! I dont know what the white thing in the background is, but that's the beauty of this lens - it could be a dirty diaper and we'd never know it!

!

My first newborn session!

2009-01-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

After weeks of preparation I did my first newborn shoot yesterday. I have to admit it was harder than I thought. I expected the baby to be sleepier and a little easier to move and pose. Overall, though, I think the photos turned out fairly well. I didn't get to use all of the ideas that I had because I didn't want to wear the baby out. He wasn't sure about me to begin with...he slept with one eye open!
I really hope to get better at this because it is a lot of fun!
Here are a few of my favorite shots, the rest can be seen on my flickr.

And, my first attempt at designing announcements. I know, it's plain, but I like it.

Parenting tip:

2009-01-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

Never say anything around your child that you wouldn't want him to repeat over and over again, even if you are just trying to give instructions.
Jonathan has been coming up to me giggling and reaching up at me with little pinchers saying "Don't touch my boobies."

Chore chart - an experiment

2009-01-07T15:27:00.000-08:00

So we've been thinking that part of the reason Jonathan has been a bit of a stinker (to put it gently) lately is because he doesn't have a strict schedule. Okay, he really doesnt have a schedule besides getting up and going to daycare and coming home and playing until I can get him to go to sleep. I know, I'm a bad mom. So I decided to lay the day out for him. I looked and looked for a calendar that I could use that he would be likely to understand, but there was nothing out there that looked like what I wanted. So I did what I should have done in the first place and made my own. It's a chart that lays out the days of the week and the expecatations of him for each day. The top half is the morning, before daycare, and the bottom half is the evening. In the morning he has to:
1. Wake up (peacefully)
2. Make his bed
3. Get dressed (without protest)
4. Brush his teeth
5. Be nice to Gracie
6. Be happy in the car
In the evening he has to:
1. Be nice to Gracie
2. Eat his dinner
3. Put his pajamas on
4. Brush his teeth
5. Read a book
6. Go to sleep (again, peacefully)
He gets a star for each task that he completes. If he gets at least 10 stars he gets a prize. Those are:
Ice cream
Take a bath (and play)
Get a new coloring book
Go somewhere fun (Monkey Joes, McDonalds, Evening sitter)
Play with his Geotracks train
Bake cookies with Mommy

And how is this experiment going?
Pretty well actually. He actually seems to understand the chart. And he sooo wants stars. He got his first prize last night, which was to play Geotracks. The chart probably needs some fine-tuning, and it will probably take about a month for it to become very clear to him. He already knows what all of the pictures stand for, and what all of the days across the top are (Church, Daycare, Daycare, Stay home with Mommy, Daycare, Daycare, Stay home with Mommy and Daddy) so that helps him understand what is going on and when. Gracie is very interested in it and goes and points at it because she wants a star. I guess I'll need to make her one too!

My sweet Gracie!

2009-01-07T10:53:00.001-08:00

She is determined to be big and do things herself. She insists on feeding herself. She insists on doing what Jonathan is doing - whether it be playing with trains, riding a bike, or reading a book. She now insists on drinking out of a cup - ALL BY HERSELF! She wants to pick it up off the table, without anyone else touching it, no help whatsoever, she insists. And she is persistent. After about an hour of practice, I think I can say that she is completely cup-trained (if there is such a phrase). Here are the pics of the happy girl to prove it:

And here are some more cute cute pics of the girl. I usually give the kids a bath together, and I was giving them a bath together before Jonathan got too rough with Gracie. Then he had to get out. As I pulled him out screaming and crying for hurting his sister, Gracie reached for him and started crying too. That's siblings for ya!
It wasn't long before Gracie figured out that it could be fun to have the whole bath to herself. She was having so much fun, so I decided to grab my camera - unlike Jonathan she still enjoys, or at least tolerates, having her picture taken. What a cutie!!!

(A perfect product model)

Christmas Happenings

2008-12-28T17:56:00.000-08:00

Well, we're back from Christmas "vacation" without the kids. First we went to my sweet mother-in-laws house and spent some time with her adorable foster children. It is never boring there. She has 3 teenage boys and 2 little girls, 3 and 6. I had taken all of their pictures at Thanksgiving and was able to bring the prints at Chritsmas. They turned out really well:

So we stayed six days with Chuck's mom and family. During that time we did some shopping, played video games, broke up fights among the little kids, held Gracie almost non-stop (she decided to be a Momma's girl this week and demanded to be held). When I could break free from Gracie we did some baking on Christmas Eve and helped the kids decorate gingerbread cookies. Christmas morning we let the kids open their presents and that evening when Chucks brothers showed up with their families we opened even more gifts. Unfortunately, Jonathan's sleeping pattterns got so out of whack that he was an absolute terror that night - a real brat when it was time to open presents. And Gracie was sleepy too. Poor thing - she is so snotty lately that she cant sleep!

For Christmas I took pictures of all of the grandchildren for my mother-in-law, at the request of the sister in laws. We presented these to her Christmas night:

She seemed very happy with them. The next morning I rearranged all of the pictures on her wall - something she just never has the time to do - go figure! Then, we were off to Oklahoma for Christmas with my family.
My sister Tina had Christmas at her place this year. She had it decorated so beautifully! And she prepared the dinner and had it set out so neatly. She is starting a small catering business - so it was so professional. Santa (Uncle Dan) also showed up and gave the small kids gifts - it was wonderful.

We spent Saturday with my folks (my sister left for Hawaii that morning!). Then this morning we got up and left the kids behind for an exciting week with Granny and PawPaw - the babysitter has this week off and we both have to work, so they were kind enough to offer their time and home to our poor children! Next Christmas I will be sure to coordinate with the babysitter before putting in for leave (which by the way has to be done in August!)
So now we are home and setting up Guitar Hero - we splurged on the way home after having played it all Christmas at each relative's house (besides my parents). Sorry, George's father-in-law, but we returned the Tony Hawk game that you got Chuck to put towards the Guitar Hero.
Other things on the agenda for the week: Read a book at Barnes and Noble while drinking a Mocha - I saw a friend post that as one of her favorite things to do sometime back and have soooo wanted to try it, and now have the opportunity - I know, big whoop - but when you have two small kids its such a treat! Also, I plan to scrapbook - I can spread everything out on the dining room table without concern that Gracie will eat it. I'm going to clean and organize - sure...we'll see what happens.

Hope you had a merry Christmas!

Getting better, maybe?

2008-12-13T20:01:00.000-08:00

So, I've had the opportunity to take baby pictures lately! It was fun - and they turned out really well. One is my niece, Lily, and is the other is a client. I really like doing these baby pics - maybe this will become my specialty - baby pics and senior pics. My next venture, if my friend is still willing to be my subject...maternity.

More photo news

2008-11-22T22:45:00.000-08:00

So...I got two photo orders today. One from Red dress's aunt in Pennsylvania, and another from her family. Woohooo! Now I have a lot of work to do to get it ready. Then, this week I am going home for Thanksgiving. I'll be busy there too though doing some more senior pics for my niece (she is my willing guinea pig) and some pics for the kids on the other side of the family: semi-posable kids!- Not that I particularly like posed pictures - but at least they wont be running wild like my kiddos, and a three month old niece - which means possible sleeping baby pics :)
Fun fun fun!!!

Happy happy!!

2008-11-21T11:27:00.000-08:00

Well, on the one hand happy. On the other hand I am at home right now because Jonathan came home sick from daycare - diarrhea and feeling bad :(
But, I was really really happy yesterday because the parents of the girl whose senior portraits I did that I blogged about (complained about) finally called! They said they were sorry for not getting back to me before, but they have been having trouble picking which pictures they want - with talking to family members to see which they want, etc. They actually are planning to buy one of my packages plus the CD!!!!! I am so happy. As you may have read in my previous post, I was really bummed about not hearing from these people for over 3 weeks. I thought they must have not liked the pics and went with someone else, since my rule is if you don't buy anything you don't pay anything (no sitting or session fee). But the mom said they really liked them all and were just having such a hard time picking which ones they wanted and how many of each, etc.
So, there we go. I am a worry wart. I can finally rest easy about this!! And maybe I am becoming a good photographer?

My new toy

2008-11-19T15:57:00.001-08:00

DSC02569 copy
Originally uploaded by Sweet Portrayal

Chuck got me a black backdrop for my b-day. I've been forcing Gracie and Jonathan to model for me : )

Good Business?

2008-11-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

So I decided what to do about the red dress girl. I am going to send her an 8x10 of the one of her on the bench and wallets of her in the letter jacket, just so she can see how the pictures will look printed. I will also tell her I can send her a pic for facebook if she friends Sweet Portrayal. At least maybe that will guilt her dad into at least let me know what's going on. Any more suggestions? This is so much harder than just taking good pics...(not that that is incredibly easy)

Me and my insecurity

2008-11-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

Click on the one above, it looks really nice full-screen.

There are a lot of things that I could write about now, but I am going to write about the most selfish and conceited one.
So I did this senior photo shoot almost 3 weekends ago. I thought that the pictures turned out really nice. Of course, they could have been better, I suppose, but to me they were definitely worth the price. As soon as I posted them to my website, the parents seemed very pleased. They wrote, "there are too many wonderful pictures to choose from." Then that was the last I heard from them! I emailed the father (the one who contacted me in the first place to do the pics) twice now and he hasn't written me back. Monday, I resorted to calling, just to see if they wanted any special effects or anything (like darkened borders or something) - at least that was my cover. I wanted to know - were they really not pleased - did they go somewhere else? I still haven't heard anything back from them. Usually people email me after the session quite a bit. And they always respond to my emails - I'm really worried. On the other hand, their online viewing doesn't end until December 17th, so maybe they are just procrastinating - too busy to write back.
I feel like a single person again, waiting by the phone or something. I know I'm obsessing, but this is important to me.
Let me know what you think. I posted a few of the pics to the blog, and you can see the rest at www.sweetportrayal.com, then online proofing and "Jennifer." The password is "senior".

Yay Fall, and yay Gracie!

2008-11-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Thursday was Gracie's first birthday!! I got some cute pictures to commemorate:

On my wonderful Wednesday, I took the kids to Creve Coeur Lake. I pushed Gracie in the stroller as Jonathan rode his bike. Speaking of wonderful Wednesdays, I have begun to consider going back to full time. After all deductions, paying babysitter, etc, we would be netting another $500 per month. We could really use it, but we can live with what we're making now...tightly. Is it worth it?? I am going to poll the audience - look in the sidebar and vote, please...I need some guidance.

In other news, I received my first paid photo order this week. It may be the last for awhile since it is getting cold outside and I'm an outdoor only photographer for now. I did book a session this week for the end of November. Then I realized I would be out of town for Thanksgiving, so I'm going to have to reschedule.
Oh, I almost forgot! Gracie is now a walker!!! She has been stumbling around for awhile, but on her birthday she really started walking on her own! Yea, Gracie!!!

2008-10-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

If you go to www.sweetportrayal you will see why I haven't written on my blog in forever. I have been kind of busy with trying to start my "business." I know - it's like the worst time to try to create a small business. The good thing is that the start-up costs are low. The hard part has been trying to find clients. I dont like talking about it at work - a select few know about it. I don't go to a large church, and I really dont want to make an issue out of it there. And other than those two places I really dont get out much! So, I'm having to rely on referrals. I got my first few free clients from craigslist and have one appt booked for an actual paying client who is a relative of one of my free clients. I have another free session this weekend, and she is going to have me do a paying session for her cousins in November. So...if I build it they will come...right? Here are some of the family pictues I took:

You can see more at my website.
In other news...Gracie has built up to fours steps in a row. She climbs the many stairs in our townhouse at lightning speed. She is a very good dancer as well. She stands in one spot with her hands on her hips sometimes and moves her hips from side to side - very cute! Jonathan is fully potty trained! I gave him a haircut yesterday and he is looking good! Chuck is in his surgery rotation and he really likes it - learning a lot of various stuff unrelated to feet. I, as I have said, have been really busy with Sweet Portrayal, however I have been keeping up with my Step aerobics class! Chuck took some pictures of my Monday (Columbus day) for my website. I am finally back to the weight I was before I had Jonathan - hooray! And my legs are more toned than I think they have ever been in my entire life. I'll post some pics.

New pics!

2008-09-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

You know how I put the ad on Craigslist for free senior pictures? Well, I've had several people contact me about this and actually had a photo session Saturday morning. I couldn't have asked for a better model! This girl was beautiful and really knew how to pose. She was one of those people that looks really good when she doesn't smile. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous about doing the session beforehand. But I think the pictures turned out really nice - I was very very pleased. I did some more reading up and fiddling with my camera after I took my niece's pictures and it really seemed to pay off. So, just click on my flickr box to the right to see the new pics...they are in the Seniors batch mixed with my niece's. Let me know what you think of them...I really appreciate comments in flickr!

My website

2008-09-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it's not great, but I'm ready to show my new website, www.sweetportrayal.com. It's for my photography "business." If you look at it, please ignore all the ads, and focus on my site - it costs too much for now to go ad-free.
Now, don't think I see myself as a professional because of this. I really just created the site so that I could use it to find some subjects to practice on. Since we dont't have many friends here, and no family members here, willing subjects are hard to find. So I posted an ad for free senior pictures on Craigslist. But of course, you can't post an ad asking people to let you take pictures of them without letting them see that you're not totally untalented...although I have seen some people post their "portfolio's" and they look like something I took when I was a kid. It's like they say, "better to stay quiet and let people wonder if you're an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt"(or something like that). I just hope that people that tell me my pictures look good are telling me the truth, because somebody had to have told the other people that posted their portfolios that they looked good too. Well, I have to learn somehow...and I havent had any luck finding a good course yet, so I guess for now I will just be reading and practicing as much as I can.

Gracie pictures

2008-09-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

This one's cute too! I know, they're basically the same.

2008-09-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

I found this picture of Gracie today that I had taken over Labor Day weekend when I was taking my neice's pictures.
What a pretty, happy baby, don't you think?

Big news! Well, for me...

2008-09-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

I have big news to report:
Jonathan finally pooped on the potty!!!
I know, big deal, he's 3 and half years old, he sure as well better be doing that by now. Actually he has been scared to death of pooping in the potty. So this is a big deal that he actually did it once. Hopefully its not just a fluke!

In other news, I have been learning html. I was working on making a website all weekend. I am not ready to show it yet, but one day I will reveal the address.

Rock-a-bye baby

2008-09-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

My little baby girl broke my heart tonight when she indeliberately showed me how neglected she is.

It was bedtime, and I had just put Jonathan in bed and placed Gracie in her crib. As usual, Jonathan began to cry at his door, "Mommy, I want to rock-a-bye baby..."

So, as usual, I opened the door to his room and let him out into the open loft area, which also serves as Gracie's "bedroom," where I sat in the rocking chair beside Gracie's crib and began to rock him and sing to him, "Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop..."

I looked over at Gracie as I was singing and there she was, standing in her crib, rocking side to side in complete sync with the rocking chair, watching as I sang to Jonathan.

I laughed at the sight of it and stopped rocking, calling my husband to come watch.

As I started rocking again, she began to slowly sway and eventually synced up with the rocking chair.

After getting past the initial shock and humor of it, I realized that my poor overlooked second child had learned to mimic being rocked by her mommy!!

How sad!!! But still cute...in a sad way...

Really, what this says to me, once I think about it, is that I have two different children, who have two different personalities.
Gracie is quiet, independent, resourceful, self-reliant, strong, and determined.
Jonathan is charismatic, outspoken, loving, stubborn, and non-conforming.
Nature or Nurture?

Or is the question Baby or Preschooler?

Quote of the day

2008-09-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

"For heaven’s sakes, I mean, can’t you have a traditional woman who is also a — you know, a beauty queen and is a governor? What’s the matter?" - Pat Buchanan

One thing I love about Sarah Palin - she's not trying to be a man...

Some interesting articles about the interview with Sarah Palin last night:
ABC edits out Palin Objection to Holy War question
Bush Doctrine Question

And a cute picture of Gracie:

Catching up

2008-09-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

As usual, so much has happened since my last post. Last Wednesday Jonathan went for his first visit to the dentist and he did remarkably well. He let them clean his teeth with no problems. Unfortunately, he has to get some caps on some back teeth. The dentist reassuringly told me that it wasnt because of not brushing...it was more genetic. Come to think of it, maybe that's not so reassuring.
Gracie has been getting more of a personality. She is easily walking around things and has started wanting to be walked around by the hands. She took her first step Monday on her own...and fell flat on her forehead. She is a very determined little girl. And she loves to eat. She doesn't want a small crumb that you give her...she wants the whole sandwich!
Last weekend was a bit rough for me. Something to do with not getting what I wanted...and what seems like a betrayal by a friend. Things that I just dont want to talk about. But I think I'm over it. I've thrown my inner tantrum.
And I am delighted to say that I have decided not to turn my back on the Republican party. I was seriously thinking about voting Obama if McCain chose Mitt Romney as VP. Sarah Palin has come to my rescue though and brought me to my senses. She is wonderful. If I were voting purely on personality and character she would get my vote for sure. Even though those are not me motivations for going with her, she (and her sidekick John McCain) get my vote on the issues. Thinking I was going to vote Obama, I listened to his convention speech and realized that there are very few issues that I agree with him on. On the contrary, most of the things the Republicans talked about (once they were finished bashing Obama - tisk tisk/ha ha) were things that I agreed with.
In another post I will highlight everything I like about Palin...but for now, I am going to take a nap. I spent the morning at the zoo with the kids, by myself. And what trip to any place with my kids is not complete with a loud embarrassing screaming and painful fit? Maybe I'll explain later, or maybe not. But for now, I need a nap before the kids wake up!!

2008-09-10T11:45:00.001-07:00

Sent from my iPhone

Labor Day weekend

2008-09-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

This weekend my sister and her family came to visit. They didn't stay long, but we had a lot of fun while they were here. Well, I had a lot of fun because I got to take some senior pictures for my beautiful niece. She could be a model...she posed herself for most of the pictures. The pictures turned out pretty nice just as I took them, but then I edited them after everyone left. I figured out some stuff with Adobe Photoshop 6.0 and got the pictures looking pretty great actually! Of course, it helped to have such a good-looking subject. I added the flickr link to my sidebar, so you can take a look at some of my favorites if you want!

My quirky silly kids:

2008-08-26T19:32:00.000-07:00

First, I give Jonathan the option to watch cartoons or Cash Cab ---"Cash Cab Cash Cab!" In case you dont know, its a gameshow on the discovery channel where people who get in a cab are asked trivia questions until they get to their destination. My 3-year-old is fascinated by this show...go figure!

Next, my darling little lady has discovered a new method of eating her Lucky Charms - the puppy dog method. I guess that way she doesnt get her hands messy!

Here is the monkey method of eating:

I have started giving the kids baths together and they both just love it. If I start to give Jonathan one alone he says, "Gracie wants a bath."

Here is Gracie standing up, something she does ALL THE TIME now! She just got back from her 9 month checkup - so you can see her band-aids from her shots. She didn't cry a bit when they gave them to her! She is so tough - probably used to the pain that her brother inflicts on her!

Here she is showcasing her brand new teeth!

And here she is showcasing her huge diaper - this is her model pose!

And to finish this up, a nice heartwarming picture of Jonathan reading a story to Gracie...actually, I posed this picture and Gracie got down as soon as I was done...

Another skinny-mirror? Or is it?

2008-08-22T17:28:00.000-07:00

So I had another run-in with a skinny mirror - at the Reebok store. So Im trying on shorts to wear at the gym, which by the way is a big step for me because for the most part I havent worn shorts in public in like 10 years, and I look AMAZING in these shorts. Wow! Im thinking my workouts have really paid off - then it hits me...of course, this is a skinny mirror! I looked behind the mirror because i read up on these things and apparently if they tilt the mirrors ever so slightly you look thinner. Sure enough, the mirror was closer to the wall in the middle than on the top and bottom - only about 1/4 of an inch. 1/4 of an inch shouldnt matter that much, right. No, Im thinking, I cant look this good. I bought the shorts anyway. When I got home i tried them on and got in front of my fat mirror. Suprisingly, I didnt look that bad. Actually I still looked kind of good, but not as good as in the store. I looked behind my mirror. The top and bottom were actually closer to the wall than the middle because of the way that it is fastened to the wall - the opposite of the skinny mirror...so it really is a FAT mirror!
So....what is my conclusion? If I looked awesome in the skinny mirror and not too bad in the fat mirror then Im somewhere in between...do I acutally look pretty good??
My hard work and dedication to my gym class and nightly mini-workouts is paying off!! Hooray!
I do however still want to look the way I looked in the skinny mirror...now if only they can make a mirror that gets rid of cellulite! (actually that is starting to disappear too!)

Kids at the park

2008-08-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

We had an unexpectedly wet day at the park today, but it was a lot of fun and wore the kids out! Gracie got a little cold, I think, so that's why she is crying - I just love her crying face - it's soooo cute!
And...today at the park Gracie was so excited to see the water. I stood her up and let go of her. She stood by herself and clapped at the same time! It was awesome. I wanted so badly to get a picture, but it didnt work out. Then at home when Daddy gave her an animal cracker she said "cookie" - no mistaking it...she said it three times. By the way, she also says "clap clap clap" when she claps! She is such a smart baby!

Yea! Another Bikini Carwash!

2008-08-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

Chuck says I'm starting to sound like a grouchy old fuddy-duddy, but he does agree with me on this one:

Moms...would you encourage your fifteen year old daughter to put on her sexiest underwear and go stand on the street corner asking for money so she could get out of town??

Every weekend as we have driven out from our house there are 90% naked fifteen-year-old girls standing at the corner of a busy intersection. No, we do not live in Germany's red light district - we live in America's heartland. It's called the bikini carwash - made popular by some 80's movies I think. Well, they are taking over our town. Every weekend we drive by and see two or three of them holding up signs and wiggling around with big smiles on their faces...gross!!

What moms allow this?...so they're sitting in a booster club meeting, "Hmmm, how can we raise money to go to cheerleading nationals this year...I know, lets dress our daughters real slutty and have them waive posters around at cars until one stops to oogle over them washing it...sounds great! Go team!"

What kind of persons stops to have their car washed? I for one would never stop...that would just be weird, "Hey, I noticed your great tan and slim thighs, I just thought I would stop to ask you where you work out while you wash my car."

And what man stops without fearing that those who see him will take him as a pedafile? Seriously, some of these girls look like they're twelve! "Hey girls, I noticed your nice big breas..I mean, signs...they're very, um...attractive, you look so strong, I bet you could do a nice job waxing my...car." Really, 20/20 could probably catch half of their internet predators here instead of having to coax them to houses.

Parents...please stop prostituting your girls out for school functions!!! If you want to put them on street corners make sure they are fully clothed and give them boxes of liquorish or squeegees!

Pictures of the kids

2008-08-08T22:09:00.001-07:00

7:30 AM, really?

2008-08-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

Now a show of my true colors...what a terrible person I am for even thinking this way...but I dont think many people read my blog anyway and those who do might forgive me.

This morning on my way to work I had to stop at the grocery store to buy some frozen dinners to put in the freezer at my office for the next week - getting to the grocery store with two little ones is rough, so its easiest to stop after I drop them off at daycare. I went into the store this morning and in the middle of the front aisle that leads to all the other aisles was a lady in one of those scooter things. An employee seemed to be helping her transfer the items from a regular cart to this one. They were side by side and blocking the whole aisle! So instead of asking the poor disabled lady to move I walked around to the back of the store to get to the frozen foods aisle. After I got my things (like 5 minutes) I went to check out in the only lane they have open at 7:30 AM, and there she was, having someone help her put her things on the conveyor belt. Now, why she needed to transfer her items from a regular cart to this one just to go checkout - I dont know! Well, now she was taking her time getting her things on the belt, talking to the cashier, and the lady behind her, and then trying to find her money or whatever she used to pay...etc, etc. It must have been 10 minutes I waited in line - long enough to read the covers of all of the magazines (by the way, Enquirer says that George and Laura Bush are splitting up and People has Brangelina's twins pics). Ten minutes later for me to get to work means ten minutes later I get out of work to pick up my kids.
Now, I know its picky and mean, but why did this lady need to be in the grocery store at 7:30 AM? If she is disabled, why can't she wait till later in the day when the rest of the people who have nowhere to be are in the grocery store? If you have ever been in the grocery store at 7:30 AM, you know it is mostly people who are on their way to work - we have somewhere to be and typically 3 or 4 things to buy - that's why there is only one lane open!
This is the point that I decide to stop ragging on disabled people because I realize that doing so will come back to haunt me and one day I could be that disabled person who just NEEDS to get their shopping done at 7:30 AM! And maybe she thought it would be the best time because she wouldn't be there when the crowd was...but it was just frustrating at the time.
I know it sounds like I have been upset about this all day, but really, it only bothered me until about 8:00 AM, until I sat down to write on my blog tonight and couldn't think about anything to write!
BTW, am I too wordy?

A house for Rent...

2008-08-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

We have decided to move - we are in a 3 story townhouse now and that just doesnt work with two small kids - not to mention we dont have a backyard really. So we are looking for a house to rent. Jonathan hears me calling people, "Hi, I'm calling about the house for rent." Then later we say that we are going to look for a house for rent. Well, Jonathan believes that we are looking for a house for Rent, that is, that Rent needs a house. I figured this out when we went to look at one with a realtor and as we were leaving he looked at her and said, "Bye, Rent." I tried to explain to her what he thought, but I think it just offended her. This morning during our Wednesday morning semi-ritual of going to the donut shop he saw a woman come into the shop and said, "Mommy, there's Rent." It wasnt the same lady, but looked a little like her, to a 3-year-old maybe. I tried to explain to him today that we were looking for a house for rent, not for Rent. "Rent is not a person, Jonathan."
"Mommy, Rent is a boy?"
"No, Rent is not a person. You know how we go to the store and buy things. Well, you can buy a house too. If you dont want to buy it you can sort of borrow it, that is called renting."
"Rent is a girl?"
I guess if I cant explain to him why he should poop in the potty, I should have realized that this was a lost cause...

So gross!!!

2008-07-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

One of my co-workers said he used to put his wife's breast milk in his coffee!!!!

Jonathan's cuteness

2008-07-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

As we were swimming today Jonathan looked up to the sky and pointed, "Look Mommy, mashed potatoes."

Despite my hardships with Jonathan in oh, the past year, I still think he is the cutest kid in the world (Mommy bias, I know)...lately he's been galloping everywhere he goes - on walks, in the grocery store, in and out of the house. He also has to jump over everything. When we take walks he tries to jump over every crack in the sidewalk. He's really cute...

Oh, and now he has a crush...a girl at church named Joy - she's almost 6! She likes him too, but they had their first quarrel when he interrupted her while she was singing. She was really mad. When we were leaving I had him give her a hug, and she accepted. Then later she added very hatefully, "Jonathan -- you messed up my song!" It was funny coming from an otherwise incredibly cute, sweet little girl in a frilly pink dress.

He has been talking about going to church to see Joy all week. I tried to bribe him with it, which, I know...its bad. He is so close to being potty trained but still cant poop in the potty. I told him that if he pooped in the potty today we would go see Joy tonight. We didn't get to see Joy tonight.

So, I changed my title

2008-07-21T19:34:00.001-07:00

My other title was just too long. Now I have to find a picture, but first I have to go to bed, then go to work...

Baby clothes

2008-07-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we had a yardsale. I was hoping to get rid of all of Jonathan's baby clothes. It took me all week to price them all. I did get rid of some of them, but probably not even a quarter of them. So yesterday during my lunch break I took a box of them to Once Upon A Child, a kids clothes resale shop. I waited 20 minutes for them to look through the box and in the meantime got a sandwich at Subway next door. I went back to get my money. They had picked out 3 outfits and gave me $1.90 for them. I spent more than that on lunch! So I decided that was not the way to go. This morning I woke up and started putting all of the clothes in garbage bags to take to Goodwill - I needed the boxes because we are moving to a different house. But then I thought about Goodwill and how they never act happy when I take them stuff. So what I did was put an add on Craigslist: "Free boys clothes up to 2t." Several people emailed me and eventually came to pick up the clothes - I had to sort them by size so that I could give them to different people depending on the size of their children. I had hoped that the first person to email me would be someone who was expecting and they could take them all. But no, It went reverse. First a guy about the 2t's then someone with a 1 year old, then someone with a 5 month old. I still had some newborn to 6 month stuff to give away, so I looked on Craigslist and someone had posted an add saying they were short on money and seven months pregnant and needed some clothes. So she ended up taking the rest. It was actually nice to give the clothes away like that. I got to see the people who would be using them, and they were very happy to receive them. It was actually what I should have done to start with since many of the clothes were given to us. So, if anyone ever needs to get rid of their old baby clothes, I suggest trying this.

My blessing of a Problem Child...

2008-07-19T13:12:00.001-07:00

God must be telling me something by having given me my "problem child" first. I jammed my finger today trying to spank him. He has become a master at dodging spankings.
These are some of the things he does in hopes of making me mad or sad or getting a spanking:
*Names off a list of places that he wants to go when he knows we are going somewhere else (Its much more bothersome than it sounds)
*Calls me Kim repeatedly, even after I ask him not to...no, especially when I ask him not to.
*Poops in his pants and tells me to change him
*Refuses to put anything on his bottom
*Whispers "Gracie's sleeping," then cries loudly "Hey Gracie!!!"
*Laughs at me when I tell him to do or not do something

So yes, I jammed my finger trying to spank him...and it hurt. All I could think of at the time that it happened was that if it was really bad, like broken, I couldnt go to the doctor. What would I say...I broke my finger trying to beat my child?

So people say, "He's just testing you, testing his limits."
Yes, and how do I pass the test?

Thank you, God, for Gracie...she is my sweetie that proves that I am not a complete failure as a parent. She sees what happens to Jonathan, and she, like myself, cannot understand why he keeps doing what he's doing.

Please do not give me suggestions for how to handle my problem child...I have received all of the suggestions in the world. And I follow them. I have just resolved that Jonathan is my problem child, for now, and I am told that if they're bad as toddlers they'll be good as teenagers. But maybe people say that just so that you won't kill them as toddlers because you have hope that they'll do a 180.

P.S. Please do not report me to Childhood Protective Services. I LOVE both of my children and I thank God for them both, Im just venting a little.

So much...

2008-06-23T11:56:00.001-07:00

I cant believe it has been so long since I posted anything. No wonder nobody reads my blog! So much has been going on...my mother-in-law and sister-in-law came to visit bringing along three kids. We went to the zoo and did a lot of swimming, oh, and stayed up late one night making a Scandinavian Mei Tai. No, its not a drink, it's a baby carrier. My friend Jodean posted the one that she made on her blog and attached the link to the blog of the person who created the pattern, and the pattern itself. I convinced my mother-in-law to help me make one while she was here. My sister-in-law also helped. We stayed up until 3am Tuesday night to finish it (someone had boasted that it took them only 3 hours to make it - it took 3 of us 6 hours to make it!). Mine isnt as cute as Jodean's, but I like it. It keeps the baby nice and close and secure, it even puts her to sleep. I can hardly feel her there. The only down-side is that the straps are really long, so its a bit of an ordeal to take it off and on.
Im posting some pictures of it and of my husband's family's trip to St Louis:

Here is Chuck's mom with the Mei Tai on:

Me and the kids hiking with the mei tai. You can put the baby on your back too!

I tried taking a picture of myself and Gracie in the mei tai. It was too sunny out.

Daddy looks so nice in his father's day sunglasses at the pool. So hot!!

I was able to get the kids to stop and pose for a picture for a second. Why do 7 year olds insist on making funny faces to the camera non-stop???

Here they are at the St Louis Zoo:

Last Saturday I participated in the Race for the Cure in downtown St Louis. I went with the team from Social Security. And of course, I took the kids along since Chuck has a lecture to go to. I pulled them in the wagon - they were so well-behaved. Unfortunately I didnt get a picture of them i the wagon. But here are some pictures of Jonathan and my friends Nakia and Peggy. It was so unbelievable the amount of people that showed up. The picture of the crowd is just the tail end...maybe 1/10th of the whole race!

Other big news of the week: Gracie has become a pro at pulling herself up!!!

And here's a cute picture of Jonathan on a log:

Me and my man

2008-06-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long, long time, Chuck and I are going out alone tonight. Our next-door neighbor agreed to watch the kids. Since this may be the only time that this happens (Im afraid that our neighbor will see her error after spending an evening with our kids) I want to make the best of it. Chuck got tickets to a comedy club. Im hoping to go to a very non-kid-friendly restaurant as well. And hopefully there aren't people there like us who bring their annoying kids with them everywhere because they cant find a sitter!

Does this prove I'm crazy?

2008-06-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

So today I took the kids to Circus Flora. It's a circus presented in downtown St Louis that is performed by kids from age 7 to 18. I had a little trouble getting down there, but the show was great! Jonathan really liked the trapeze. He and quite a few other kids started to get a little squirmy near the end...well, maybe a lot squirmy towards the middle actually. I handled pretty well though I think. A mom behing me was screeching about her 3 or 4 year old daughter, "She's having a melt-down, she's having a meltdown, this should have been over a long time ago, she's having a meltdown, we have to go!" To me it sounded like mom was having the meltdown! Altogether, Jonathan and Gracie did really well. Particularly Gracie. She watched more of the show than Jonathan did. At the end the introduced the performers and everyone started leaving. This isnt movie credits people! The performers are in front of you! Jonathan and Gracie and I stayed and clapped for them, I told Jonathan that we were telling them, "Good job!" He started yelling that out!
I didnt go crazy at the circus. It was actually when we were almost home. On the ride home Jonathan cried almost the whole way because he said he needed to go potty. Jonathan never goes potty during the day, so I dont know why it was such a big deal today. That wasnt what made me crazy either. It was the stop at McDonald's.
I have come to discover that McDonald's drive-thru's around here tend to suck at lunchtime. I take Jonathan there for lunch sometimes on Wednesdays and everytime without fail they get it messed up. This time I decided to hold up the line of cars and make sure that they got the right food in the bags. To my surprise, they did. I took off and got close to the highway when I realized that they didnt give us a toy! That's the whole reason I went - it was Kund Fu Panda characters! Jonathan had seen the movie and loved it. So, I turned around and went back. The drive thru line was too long so I had to go in, leaving the kids in the car with it running, I locked it (is that illegal?) Anyway, I went in and stepped up to the counter in front of everyone and asked for my toy. The guy gave me one and I left (seriously the kids were alone in the care for like 20 seconds) I got out to the car and looked at that toy - it was a Pirate skeleton!! Yes, I went back in and demanded a Kung Fu Panda toy. I dont want to give my 3-year-old son a skeleton toy! On the way home, Jonathan was saying, "Mommy's mad!" That wasnt so cool, so instead I accomplished a great feat in getting a 3-year-old to proclaim, "Bad McDonalds!"

So am I officially crazy?

Summer pictures:

2008-06-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

Here's our summer so far:
Jonathan: I'unna go swimmin', I'unna go swimmin, I'unna go swimmin'
Me: No
Jonathan: I'unna go shoppin, I'unna go shoppin
Me: No
Jonathan: I'unna go to bed, I'unna go to bed.
Me: Okay
Jonathan: Nooooo!
Gracie: Waaaah!
Me: Here you go Gracie, nummies!
Me (later): Jonathan, stop eating Gracie's food!
Jonathan: I'unna go swimmin'!!!

I got Jonathan's old riding toy out for Gracie to use. He, of course, wanted to use it when he saw her on it. I thought they looked cute "playing together" here:

Gracie asleep at the table. Eating is hard work, but she's good at it. She can already pick up cheerios and get them in her mouth!

Two of a kind! Really, we do feed our kids food!

I know we're breaking some kind of safety rules here with Gracie in the trailer, but she does so well, and big brother takes good care of her...

Swimming is so much fun with Daddy!

Why I love Aldi

2008-06-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

I just love shopping at Aldi. For those of you who are not fortunate enough to have an Aldi nearby, I'll explain what it is. It is a grocery store that is able to keep its prices very low by carrying off-brand products from the boxes, saving on stocking and display costs. It also saves by charging for grocery bags (most people bring their own or use empty boxes that they've gathered throughout the stores), and using a chained cart system where you insert a quarter into the cart to pull it away from the others, then when you put it back you get your quarter back. This way they dont have to gather the carts from the parking lots or replace damaged ones. Every time I go to Aldi I am shocked by my total at the cash register. It is always much LOWER than I expected.
Ashamedly, I have to admit that when we moved to St Louis and my husband started receiving a paycheck finally, I snubbed Aldi and opted for the name brand grocery store that is just beside our house - Schnuck's (really, that's a grocery store name, not another word for idiot). Although there are things at that grocery store that you cant get at Aldi, like coke products, good tasting TV dinners (for work), spices, and some fresh fruits, Aldi is about 5 times cheaper. No joke!
So today I went to Aldi when we were out of potatoes and bananas - staples for our family. It was the best experience I have ever had at a grocery store on a Saturday afternoon. I took my seven month old daughter Gracie with me because she is such a good shopper - my shopping buddy :). I did have to park fairly far away and since the shopping carts are all the way up by the store I had to carry her car seat very far. When I went to get a cart though, a man had already gotten one out for me. I offered him my quarter and he refused and said he got the cart for me since I had a baby. This was just a fellow shopper, no way affiliated with the store, so I just figured - "results not typical." I shopped and got two large bags full of groceries which included three tubs of strawberries for 99 cents each. I expected my bill to come to about $60, then I thought to myself that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Much to my surprise, the bill came to only $30!! What a great shopping day! To make things even better, when I went to put my groceries in the car I got another surprise. Just as I was dreading taking the cart back and carrying Gracie's car seat all the way back to the car, another man came and waited for me to get all of my groceries in the car so that he could take my cart. That was very nice, even though I assumed that he didn't have a quarter to get his own. But no! He offered me a quarter for the cart! I, of course, refused it since he was so kind to take the cart for me - not to mention it wasn't even my quarter in the cart to begin with!
Now, would this chain of events ever happened at Schnuck's? No! Are these results typical? I would like to think so. Maybe there are kind people left in the world - they just don't shop at Schnuck's!

WM vs. SAHM

2008-06-04T15:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know, two posts in one day, Im an addict. But, I was looking at other blogs online today and saw one that brought to mind a topic that I said I would expand on later. Now, I think, is the time (it must be, both kids are unusually sleeping at 5:30 - late nap means late night!). So, I said earlier that I thought that I may have found the solution to the working-outside-the-home mom/stay-at-home mom struggle. That is, working part-time. Maybe I was wrong, Im not sure yet. By the way, I use the term stay-at-home mom instead of full-time mom because no matter where you are during the day you are still a full-time mom, unless you don't have custody I guess. And really, if you want to get technical, full-time is usually considered 40 or more hours per week, and I for one easily surpass that as a mother. I use the term working-outside-the-home-mom because all moms work - the job of a mom is work. Birdwalk, again, I know. So anyway, now is the time that I will explain the WM/SAHM never-ending struggle.
We'll start with the working mom. As a working mom, I feel a lot of pressure from SAHM's to want to be a SAHM. Many people think that I choose to work outside the home. And to be fair, I guess I do have a choice. But that choice is: stay at home and depend on my husband's income as a resident, and collect food stamps and sell a car and get rid of internet and cable and cell phones, OR, work and miss out on seeing my children live the entire first five years of their life without commercials. While I would love to do the latter, I feel that doing the former allows me to give them a more enjoyable first five years because I cherish each moment that I have with them since I dont have as many as I'd like (my mom actually pointed that out to me when I was complaining about working). Whether it is intentional or unintentional, SAHMs make me feel bad for being a WM. I feel like they think that I dont care enough about my children to stay at home with them. I feel like they think that they are better people because they do stay at home with theirs. And, I feel like a bad mom for not being able to stay at home with them - there are so many things that I want to see and do with them before they go to school. And finally, for the most part, the children of the SAHMs I know are more well-behaved than the children of the WMs I know...for the most part.
Now for the SAHMs. I do think that one day I will be one. I may have to have a couple more kids for that to happen, but, I think that I will be one. What I fear is that the view that people seem to have of SAHMs will make me feel bad for being a SAHM. Let me try to explain: when I think or talk about what I want to be when I grow up, I think, I could be a photographer, or a teacher, or a nurse, or a {fill in the blank}... or just a mom. It's that JUST that turns me off of the idea. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I fear that the view that I think that others would have of me as a SAHM would be that I am not a SAHM by choice, that is, that I couldn't be successful enough in the workforce if I wanted to, or that I haven't made anything of myself. And I know that isnt true now, but Im afraid that if I catch that vibe from people later on then I will think poorly of myself, like I know many women have.
The truth is, a great mom is the best thing that we as women can ever be. Even if a woman ends up being president of the United States (thank goodness that didnt happen this time...I mean, with the choice we had...LOL), if she wasn't a great mom, then I'm afraid that her other accomplishments didnt really mean that much. That's not to say, of course, that all women should be moms or that women that are not moms dont have any meaning. But if a woman is a mom, then she should strive to be a great one. If you aren't a great mom to your kids then who will be? My point is, there is no such thing as JUST a mom.
I guess the key is to be the best you can be at whatever you do. Right now, I'm trying to be the best Claims Representative I can be during the day, and in the evening and Wednesdays and weekends, I try to be the best mom that I can be. When Im able to stay home with the kids, I'll be the best SAHM there ever was, and it will be evident to others that it is my choice to be a SAHM. Are my children being short-changed now because Im not a SAHM? I dont think so. I think that for the time-being maybe it's best that Im not a SAHM. I do, however, think I'm being short-changed a little. But that's what happens when you're married and accidently don't use birth control! LOL (I learned recently that I must use "LOL" if I'm trying to be funny because people cant generally tell whether I am or not when I'm writing.)
*Please note that these are just some of my thoughts on the subject. I have thought about it a lot and I just dont know how best to put my thoughts into words, so I hope that I didn't offend anyone by omitting a fact or exposing too many of my thoughts or fears.

Aerobics, and a bird walk

2008-06-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

I just love going to my step aerobics class. I really suck at it, but its a lot of fun. When I was little my mom let me take dance classes. I was really into it from the time I was seven until age fifteen. I was pretty bad at that too, actually, but my mom was so great that she let me do it as long as I wanted, despite the cost. I didnt realize when I was little how many sacrifices my mom and my dad made for me and my siblings. Now that I am a mom, though, its all much clearer. My kids mean so much to me that I would do absolutely anything for them. Its hard to not let them walk all over me. I do get upset sometimes when I know that Jonathan is taking advantage of my love for him by doing things that he knows makes me mad. But then I realize that I did it too when I was little...subconsciously I guess. You don't really realize when you're little how much what you say and do affects your parents. If you're anything like me, I think that as parents we are constantly analyzing our child's behavior, trying to figure out what we're doing wrong or right, and worrying that we've ruined our children. I wonder how many times my parents worried that I was going to grow up all wrong. I hope that when they look at me now they come to the conclusion that they did really well as parents. When my children grow up, I just hope that my husband and I will come to that same conclusion.

What do you want at the doctor's office?

2008-06-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was driving my kids home from daycare. We always pass by the doctor's office on our way home and my son Jonathan knows it. He knows where everything is around town actually. As we passed by yesterday Jonathan said, "Mother," that's what he calls me now because my husband tells him not to hit his mother or say no to his mother, etc., "Mother, I want to go to the doctor."
I said, "Jonathan, you dont need to go to the doctor. You only go to the doctor when you are sick or need a check-up."
He thought about it for awhile and spoke up again, "Mother, I want to go the doctor, get ketchup."

Etsy

2008-06-01T21:05:00.000-07:00

So I found this website a few months back called www.etsy.com where people sell things handmade. A friend of mine from college sells things that she crochets through this website. Actually, she had sent me one of her handmade items as a baby gift for my daughter. Here's Gracie wearing the hat:

Through this website you can search for things that people have made, or sometimes you can reequest custom-made items. I've been looking on it lately for some baby shower gifts. You're sure to find something unique, so the chances of getting someone something that they already have is near impossible. I found some really cute gift sets of silk-screened onesies and leg warmers at this site through etsy.com -lowlepop.etsy.com , and another gift set at this one: handmadejig.etsy.com

Now, I know that a lot of these things are a little pricey, but, they are handmade and one of a kind. Walmart and Target may have better prices, but I can rest assured that the things aren't made in a sweatshop and the profits are going directly to the makers.

My friend who made the hat, by the way, sells her items at justforbe.etsy.com. I think her items are affordable and very adorable.

Just say "no."

2008-05-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

I just hate it that every time I go to check out at a store the first thing that the cashier does is ask for my phone number. Like a robot, I have always given it out in the past. No more! I don't care if they do send me exciting deals or rewards, if they don't divulge the requirements for those rewards beforehand I do not see any reason to give them my phone number. It is a waste of time and an invasion of privacy. I started this refusal when I went to the maternity store about 5 or 6 months ago to get some breastfeeding supplies for my baby who just happened to be with me and screaming her head off because she was ready to go and eat. They were actually asking for my address and I really didnt have time to remember which one they had on file (since I had recently moved) and spell it out for them, etc. I just wanted to buy my stuff and leave. And after much hassle, I did just that. Ever since then I refuse to give out my phone number or address. When they say "Can I have your phone number?" I just say a flat "no." They normally just say, "okay" (after a weird moment of shock on their behalf). Surely I am not the only one who doesnt give it. Does everyone just give it up like that, like I USED TO do? If you are reading this (actually I doubt anyone reads my blog, its just a place for me to vent and practice my writing skills) I dare you to just say "no."

"Tankini's" and skinny mirrors

2008-05-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

So, as you probably guessed by my title, I went clothes shopping today. I did not, however, try on a tankini. No matter where I went, though, these things were present. In case you dont know what Im talking about, it's the new (well, a couple years now maybe) bathing suit. It consists of a top, which is usually midriff to t-shirt length, and a bottom, which can be bikini cut, boyshorts, skirts, etc. This way, you are free to "mix and match." And I can see the appeal of it - if you want to cover your hips you can do it and still be free to chose a low cut top or a more modest top without changing your bottoms, for example. My gripe, however, is that this is ALL THERE IS! Really, there are like five one-peice choices for every 50 mix and matches. And those choices are limited to designs featuring huge bright flowers or solids, many times with skirts (the type that my grandma used to wear). Why do these swimsuit manufacturers assume that everybody is just going to jump on board to this trend? I, for one, am not a fan. And it's not just because I just had a baby (that excuse for clothes not fitting right is allowed by the way for a whole year post-partum - I read it in a magazine). It is that some people, including myself right now, just should not appear in public with their belly buttons showing! Am I alone?
Now, on to a seperate matter. Skinny mirrors! Actually, skinny mirrors may not be the issue. In fact, I am going to assume, and tell myself that there are no such thing as skinny mirrors. There are in reality - fat mirrors. Like the one in my bedroom. I try my clothes on in the store and they look so great in the very true to life, calabrated to an exact science, mirrors. It just so happens that American Eagle has the most precise mirrors. That is where I buy the best looking jeans. The problem is that when I get them home and try them on in front of my bedroom mirror they dont look so hot. I just havent been able to determine why. In the past, I just resigned to the belief that the mirrors in the stores are specially designed to make you look skinnier. But my beliefs have changed. After several minutes in front of various mirrors today I have determined that there is no such thing as skinny mirrors, at least in the stores where I shop. Instead, my bedroom mirror is terribly distorted. Time for a new mirror! Or maybe no mirror - that'll shave about 50 minutes off of my morning routine.

Bonus!

2008-05-06T19:17:00.000-07:00

So, after 5 years of arduous labor I received a nice sized bonus at work. Actually, my job was awful when I lived in Waukegan IL. At first it was nice, but then our office got a new boss who just seemed to have it out for me. I realize now, looking back, that I probably said and did some of the wrong things, but I still dont believe that I deserved some of the treatment that I got there, given the quality and quantity of work that I did and the amount of myself that I seem to have lost. The stress of that office really aged me. Of course, having kids aged me too. Anyway, when my husband started his residency I got to transfer to a different office which I just love! And I feel much more appreciated here. It helps that I have grown and learned a lot about when to say (or not say) what to whom.
So, my husband tells me that since I earned this bonus I need to spend it on me. It hasnt taken too much convincing. Sure, it is tempting to apply it towards a debt or buy a special gift for a special person or two, but...there are some things I have wanted.
My husband took me to the camera store this evening and I spent the first part of my bonus on a new flash for my DSLR. I am soooo happy with my selection so far. He also convinced me to buy a professional backpack for my camera. Everything fits so nicely in it.
What's even cooler is I still have over half of my bonus to spend. I still dont know what I'll spend it on though, but Im sure I'll find something. I just hope that something doesnt find me first.

My veranda

2008-05-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

When I think of a veranda, this is what I think of.

This is the veranda, or balcony, of the house that we lived in in Bolivia. When it wasn't too hot outside I would lay out in my hammock and think about how blessed I was to be in that country, in that place, with my man. There was usually a breeze. It was so quiet in the neighborhood. The only downside was that the house was on a round-about and there were several taxi drivers that would park in front of the house on the other side. They could see us really well from where they parked. I would look down at them and see them staring up at me. They probably made up stories about me and my husband - we were an oddity there.
I miss those months.
When I was looking for this picture I found some of myself at 20. I was so thin, long hair, no makeup. That's when I looked up to, so to speak, and wanted to be one of those sort of hippie "world travelers." That is, the kind that would sometimes sport professional cameras and backpacks with 2 sets of clothes in them. Well, I dont think those backpacks will fit my two children.

Wonderful Wednesdays

2008-05-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

I had always imagined that when I had children I would be able to stay at home with them. I wanted to see all of their firsts, to potty train them, to bake cookies for them, etc. Life has its surprises though, and my son came along 3 years ago while my husband was still in medical school. Since my husband was a full-time student and I had a good job, I had to work full-time despite my desire to stay home with the baby. It's always hard to leave your baby to go to work...especially when you have to leave the baby with an unrelated sitter. Fortunately, we have been blessed with great sitters, almost too great at times. Our first two sitters became very attached to our son. The bad part was when he would call out their names instead of "mama" when he was hurt or needed something. Or when I would go to pick him up after work and the sitter would tell me something new he did...or worse yet, when I would tell the sitter about something new he did at home the night before and she would say,"oh, he's been doing that for a long time."
Despite our desire to wait until circumstances changed and I could stay at home, my husband and I decided to go ahead and have our second child 3 years later because we didn't want the kids to be too far apart in age. Although I still have to work now, our situation is a little better in that my husband is now a resident and has some income of his own. Because of this, I am able to take Wednesdays off to be at home with the kids!
And here's the point of this post: I LOVE Wednesdays!! Hump day went from being the worst day of the week to the best. I can stay home with the kids and do crafts, watch movies, bake, clean (which ends up being the majority of the day sometimes), take the kids to the park (as in this picture),
go to the store - although my 3-year-old has put a damper on that lately with his mini-tantrums, or just relax at home with them. I feel like a better mom now. And the thing that makes the deal even sweeter is that I still have my own life, that is, a life apart from momdom, at work. Work has become so much nicer than before. Although I enjoy my Wednesdays thoroughly, it is great to go back to work the next morning. With this setup, I feel like I have overcome the ongoing SAHM vs. WM battle - but that's a topic to be discussed in length at a later date.

Here it goes...

2008-04-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog post. I've thought about creating my own blog for awhile now after seeing the blogs of some friends. Mine won't be near as well-written or insightful as theirs are, but that's okay with me. I just want a place to write down the things that happen in my life so that I can keep track of them and share them with my friends and family, most of whom are very far away from me right now. Really, the reason that it took me so long to create a blog was because I couldnt think of a name for it. I know, that's a silly reason...Imean, there are so many other reasons that I shouldn't have created this blog (i.e., I don't have enough time, I already have a Myspace and Facebook page, I really don't write that well, I'll probably embarrass myself because I'm way too honest sometimes, and I really dont have enough time - what am I doing here?). See, this is what I was scared of, I probably shouldn't have used parenthesis for that. I CLEPped out of all of the English courses I needed for my degree and shot myself in the foot! Well, I have to go rescue my 6 month old from the perils that face her as a new crawler and take the turkey away from my 3-year-old (dont ask!). And so ends my first blog post.